In my absence and with love

I’ve forgotten the last time I cried, even though I’m not particularly strong when faced with the vagaries of life, on the contrary, I consider myself overly sentimental and given to tears. However, for more than a year I have decided to be happy at any cost, inoculating myself with placidity in anticipation of worse times. I resist letting them dim my smile, or turn me into a paranoiac, always looking over my shoulder to see who is following me.

This childish inclination to frolic has allowed me to cope with the denials of permission to travel, the radioactive circle in which they try to envelop me, the insults, the defamation campaigns, the control of the political police, and even the neurosis about possible microphones in my house. I have tried to celebrate, even what they have taken from me, like the possibility of travel, attending the various prize ceremonies, access to Generation Y from Cuban networks, contact with many of my friends, attending cultural events in my own country, and witnessing the launch of my books.

Just today I am inebriated with satisfaction because a compilation of my texts titled, “De Cuba, com carinho…”, From Cuba with Love, will be launched this afternoon in Brazil. Mindful of the three hour time difference that separates me from Rio de Janeiro, I will celebrate at 5:00 pm the beautiful edition of my posts in Portuguese. I will show my teeth from several yards distance, not only because they are large with gaps, but because of the permanent laugh I wear on my face. A corrosive laugh that the grim faces of those who have prevented me from going there cannot understand; a stab of delight that cuts and pierces those who don’t know how to handle the unexpected joy of the captive.


13 thoughts on “In my absence and with love

  1. To me, you are a frustrated actress. Did you ever tried to get a part in a movie, or theatre or in a more public and visible career? Do you feel a strong pull from “the Arts”?
    Think about it. And be, or try to be, sincere with yourself when coming up with an answer about your inner desires, about your interest for attraction; who tells you; perhaps you become a millionaire; perhaps you’re invited even to Miami!

  2. Suppression is empowerment. The more they try to restrain us, the more we fight back, it’s human nature, it’s how we survive. Your writings are very inspirational. No one can stop you from having an impact.

  3. Parabéns Yoani pela sua coragem. Nós aqui do Brasil, estaremos esperando ansiosos seu livro chegar às livrarias.

  4. Ola,é bom saber que o seu livro foi lançado aqui no brasil.
    Saiba que será sempre bem vinda em nosso país.
    Parabéns por este maravilhoso livro!

    Viviane-Barbosa Ferraz-Paraná.

  5. Felicidades por la publicacion de su libro, Yoani:
    El fin de semana pasado, un amigo me envio el libro desde Brasil. El libro tiene la distinccion de ser el primero que esta cubana, paisana suya, lee en Portugues. Enviando fuerza y abrazos desde Nueva York! Lian

    In the innermost folds of his soul “el jefe” still is a catholic.
    The doubt will never leave him, the regret will not give him relief and the louder he denies the more it will fester inside.
    I can’t imagine the fear he feels as he gets older.
    I can’t envision what his nights are when silence amplifies the echos of his friends & foes, his “people’s” cries because of his cruelty.
    I woudn’t like to be him when his time comes and in the precesence of our Lord he will have to answer a simple question from the Creator: “… Fidel: what have you done with my Son?” how is he going to answer? perhaps with a four hour speech …

  7. Buenos dias Yoani,
    yo soy portoguesa pero vivo en Canada. Y mucha gusta muchissimo Cuba. Estava leyendo el periodico de Brasil q estava publicando la noticia de este book. I will try to get it, but if not i will read it.
    Love your blog, Keep writing,

  8. You are so right …
    The element of represion (without trying to draw any conclusions since speculation leads to mistakes) is in its many forms just about the only tool left for the people in power to stay where they are.
    Their problems is however: how to control what is inside a person? how to stifle the human nature?
    Frredom is like water, it adapts to many shapes and states, it is influenced by temperature and its very nature is the combination of gases … in a certain unchanging order and under unchanging conditions.
    Well everything is getting to that point and no mater the shape or state the gases will mix, at that order & under that condition but: in it own time.
    Our job the is to keep the process pure, keep the process safe, keep conversing and exchangin ideas; the end result is known, there is nothing else other than freedom and like water it is inevitable.
    Joe: your comment including God in it is inspiring to me … thanks

  9. If life give you lemon, make lemonade, invite a couple friends and know you’re there for a good reason. The price was just an stimulus, the reward still to come if endurance. Although your deft sound only break free under an oppress keyboard it does echo beyond isolation walls into over a million live reasons for a change, believe. God has bless you, and is giving you one every day. Still more good for you to come, rest assure. God love you.

  10. Congrats!
    Every day you are able to shine brighter than the last one! May God bless you!.

  11. Lamento enormemente la prohibición de salida, siendo filosofa, te lo has tomado con buena filosofía.

  12. Felicidadez Yoani – muy pronto lograras disfrutar esos momentos en persona. Nada es para siempre. Felicidades de Las Vegas.

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